How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel? and how could I be so fucking blind? If he goes back with her, then I know it is surely my time to move on, throw my hands up and say fuck it! I've done my part and share of trying and his is no where to be found. But, it's so hard to move on, when your so much in love.
I know it's time to move on right now, but I'm just looking for a bigger reason, one that will bring me so much more pain, like I need it. I'm just asking for it, and with him I'll surely recieve it, so why stay and wait for it to be sereved to me? I really don't know why I always set myself up for the biggest falls. If he does go back with her, that probly STILL won't be enough for me to go, it makes me seem so helpless, so desperate and I'm nothing but, so in love. But that means nothing to him, the word "love" makes him want to vomit, Well, I'm sorry that I don't feel the same nor say the same..So what, hate me, use me, abuse me, take me to your full adventage like you've been doing. It's nothing new, but it kinda makes me sick when i seem so fucking close and it just stops in mid air and back fires right in my face. Shoulda seen it coming when all this is what it winds up becoming.
I hate myself for always being so compassionate, but at the same time I like it. I mean at times it brings me good, but I can't remember the last time it ever doing so. Maybe I should just change my whole aspect on how I see myself, how I see this world, love and him. Maybe I'm just making this all out to be something it's truly not. It's like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I get fucked and I'm a failure in some way. But, can you be a failure if you tried? Just because things don't turn out your way in the end does that automatically make you a failure or just another person who can say " I tried"? Where do I stand, what would I be considered? Am I just another human being, human soul, on the journey of this chacotic world, a path less travled? Up to the heavens, down to the hell, under the water, beyond the stars and moon, through the valleys, to the unknown and everything else in between? Am I looking for myself, searching for something more, something better, or something different, or is this who I truly am, a lonely ghost burning down songs and full of hatered, full of something I can not defeat, myself, and full of a game I can not win, love? Lost in between the bounderies.
It's amazing how I'll forgive so easily, maybe it's about time I quiet being such a forgiver and start being a cold heart, or something along them lines. I need to stop wishing and stop dreaming and face the childish and cruel thing we all know as reality.
But, I don't want to when my [wishes] and my [dreams] are soo much [better], then my x.reality.x

Love Always,
Brooke